Dear apple,

HEY IPHONE. stop making me use proper grammar. when you correct as i type if feels like you're cleaning up after me. i don't need your judgement. i know how to use the backspace button.

HEY SPINNING COLORFUL WHEEL. you bring this hate upon yourself.

HEY PAGES. you will never be as good as microsoft word. sorry.

HEY IPHOTO. stop slowing down my computer. really though.

HEY MAIL. you're super handy.

HEY GARAGE BAND. does anyone ever actually make a song on you? or does everyone just fuck around on you until they get bored?

HEY SAFARI. you can't just quit unexpectedly. you can't.

love, kathleen.