So the other day I was playing tennis (Disclaimer: I am not a tennis player.) in summer school when a group of high school age guys walked by the courts. Bros. I didn't really notice them until one in front shouted out something like:
"Hey look! Some (inserted gay/mentally disabled etc... profanity here) playing tennis. Hahaha, what losers."
Because of course, our playing is displeasing them, so they have to share it. (I was confused as well.)
Our coach, who was standing closest to the foul-mouthed ruffians, shouted:
"You're a moron!"
I expected some kind of threat- he is a teacher after all- but still, I was glad he let the kid know what was up. Unfortunately, this tough guy was not afraid of our coach, and so shouted:
"Yeah? And you're an old fuck trying to play tennis!"
Yes, he actually said this.
"Well you're still a moron!"
And at that, they left, probably off to torment some people buying a sandwich or something. Through all of this, I stayed silent. I wish I hadn't, though. If I had had time to think about my answer, it would have gone like this:
Bros: "Hey look! Some (inserted gay/mentally disabled etc... profanity here) playing tennis. Hahaha, what losers."
Me: "Oh look, Its some idiots who feel the need to insult others to make their own lives seem better. Why don't you go tell a gay joke, a I'm sure it's the only thing distracting you from the fact that you will probably end up working a minimum wage job in a life filled with drugs, alcohol, and most likely, depression."
At which point they would try to respond, leading me to add
"No no no, don't fret. You see, I understand! I can imagine the vulgar, asinine, unoriginal comment you've formed in your tiny brain, and trust me it won't make a difference in my life. Because the truth is that in reality you're an insignificant little boy who isn't worth mine or any of these peoples' time.
So please, keep your comments to yourself and have a nice day, because you're spoiling it for the rest of us."
If I had had the time, I would have said all that. But unfortunately, the best comebacks are always created too late.
Until then, at least the bullies know that they are morons. It'll do for now.
